Boundaries are something a lot of us struggle with and when you add on the layer of motherhood, they can sometimes disappear (or be barely visible). We had the chance to ask Alexis Kristian (multi-hyphenate influencer, Willow mom, and all the things) to ask her how she sets boundaries for herself and how that helps her be clear on her time and parenting choices.
Here are her tips for creating boundaries as a new mom.
When I first found out I was pregnant I began to understand and learn more about my boundaries as a mom to be. I had to speak up for my unborn child who was not yet able to speak up for themselves. It was something I was not really used to doing. My whole life I was really not good at saying “No” to people. Whether it was at work, with family or to friends. I would always find myself doing things that I didn’t want to do or didn't fully feel comfortable with. But all this changed as my belly grew bigger and bigger, and I became closer and closer to becoming a mother. This is where it all started for me.
It starts with acknowledging that you have your own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, experience and needs.
These validate you and amplify your voice as a mother. Without this acknowledging, you're going to always waver and never be firm and clear in the boundaries you have. There’s a different kind of power that you once you acknowledge your own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, experience and needs.
It means owning your needs in every way possible.
As a mother you will face an immeasurable amount of unsolicited “advice” and opinions of others. It’ll come from those closest to you and complete strangers. This is where really owning your needs will be the best thing you can do for you and your family. When I had given birth to my son I had to deal with family members not respecting boundaries. I had set up in place for hospital visits and visits at home in postpartum recovery. They were trying to force what they wanted and what they thought I should do - or “had to do” - on me… just days after giving birth. But I didn’t waiver, I used my voice and I spoke up. I held ground and they had no choice but to listen, and even apologized to me later on.
It’s being able to say no when you want to say no and yes when you want to say yes.
This is crucial. Imagine saying yes to everything that you don’t agree with as a mother. It’s not feasible or good for you or your family. Saying no is all you need to say too, it doesn’t require an explanation nor do you have to give one. It’s no. That’s it. No, I don't want visitors at the hospital. No, I'm not comfortable with you holding the baby yet. No, I will not be formula feeding. No, I can't take that work call during naptime. Whatever you are saying no to, it’s just no.
It’s being clear on your time and parenting choices.
I wouldn’t have breastfed for as long as I had with my son if I wasn’t clear on my parenting choices. In the hospital with both of my children I was attempted to be pushed towards formula feeding. I was told things like “ breastfeeding is a lot of work, are you sure you don’t want to just do formula”? If I had listened and I had not been clear and firm in my choices, I could’ve missed out on 3 years of this beautiful breastfeeding journey. I also wouldn’t have such a healthy work life balance at home with my family if I wasn’t clear on my time and choices as a parent. I had to create and email sign off to reflect what I was needing in my life as a mother and content creator. I had to have clear blimey with my time for myself and my family- so I made them and stuck to them. If I hadn’t there would be unhealthy habits in my household and my focus wouldn’t be on my family and my time with them and raising littles.
At the end of it all mama, you will have to do what works for you and never waver in your decisions as a mother. Your children are watching and learning from us on how to handle situations. How to assert themselves and set boundaries, and that’s reason enough to be a woman/a mother with boundaries.
