Even in a sleep-deprived state, there are ways to set yourself up for success. Doula and midwife assistant, Emily Varnam, weighs in.

When caring for a newborn, some level of sleep deprivation is pretty much a given. Even if you’re a power napper, nighttime parenting can leave you feeling groggy and depleted. We sat down with doula and midwife assistant Emily Varnam to learn some techniques to survive the hardest days—and nights—and maybe even get energized.

Q: What are your tips for surviving the day on no sleep?

A: Think about the minimum-viable day. What can you take off your plate, no matter how minor?

• Instead of doing the dishes, leave them rinsing in the sink until you’re ready to finish them.

• Instead of cooking, order delivery or takeout. And on days when you have the energy, prepare freezer meals for your next minimum-viable day.

• Instead of doing laundry and folding, let it pile up. Do only the minimum necessary to clothe your family for the day.

Q: What about managing more chronic exhaustion?

A: There are times when you need to rally and times when you need to relax. Take moments throughout the day for a mental check-in and determine what you need to get through the next chunk of time.

• To ramp up your energy, you can stimulate your nervous system by interacting with nature. Try getting sunlight (with vitamin D!) and fresh air, or walking barefoot on grass.

• To ramp down, try to calm your nervous system by slowing your activities and breathing mindfully. Also try to reduce your exposure to noises that can deplete your adrenals and increase stress, like traffic or blaring music.

Q: Is there anything a sleep-deprived parent should avoid?

A: First, avoid overstimulating or overexerting yourself. If scrolling through social-media helps you relax, that’s OK; if it creates stress, put your phone away. It’s crucial to learn tactics of self-regulation that work for you. If you’re tired to the point of distraction, consider yourself impaired. This means that you shouldn’t be driving. Lean on your partner or social circle for carpooling and errands.

If you can power-nap 15 to 20 minutes to increase alertness, great. But try to keep naps under an hour; deep sleep stages can delay night sleep and make you feel even groggier.

Be careful about caffeine intake after 3 p.m., as it can take as many as 10 hours for caffeine to clear from your bloodstream.

Q: What’s your philosophy on caffeine?

A: I don’t like to restrict people from caffeine. That said, too much caffeine can make you feel anxious and jittery, rather than awake, so be mindful of how certain amounts make you feel. Think about when it helps you focus and when it makes you feel jittery. Follow your body’s cues about when it is helping you and when it might be counterproductive. Consider alternatives, especially later in the day. This could be anything from eating energizing foods, such as fruit, to engaging in energizing activities, such as taking a stroll.

The coffee ritual can be self-regulating. Try herbal tea instead, where you still get the benefits of a drink ritual but without the extra dose of caffeine.

Q: Are there ways to rest beyond napping?

A: Some parents feel a lot of pressure to fit in naps when there’s a newborn, but there are many different ways to rest.

• Physical rest is giving your body permission to pause. If you can lay down and close your eyes for a few minutes, regardless of whether you fall asleep, you’re getting physical rest.

• Mental rest is taking breaks from tasks that require mental effort. If you have to strain your eyes to read a book or recipe, consider a less tasking activity, like folding laundry.

• Social rest is not asking for more than the minimal necessary interactions. If you’re feeling depleted, you don’t have to answer the phone or talk to your neighbor.

• Creative rest lets your brain hydroplane on an activity that feels rejuvenating. Breath and meditation can be difficult when you have a newborn and your brain is wired for hyperalertness. Try a knitting project or coloring book, arranging flowers, or dancing to a favorite playlist.

Q: Any final piece of advice for exhausted parents?

A: Slow down. And while this period won’t last forever, it’s worth implementing some survival strategies. Don't compare your baby's sleep or your sleep to anyone else's. You never know what is happening at 3 a.m. in someone else's house, and what works for someone else's baby may not work for yours. It’s also hard for people to know or remember how much sleep they are getting—let alone be honest about it. 

It's OK to vent, feel overwhelmed, set boundaries, and have days when it is harder to be grateful for what you have. Be gentle with yourself. Do not be discouraged by what seems “normal.” You are not alone.

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