Breastfeeding is really hard. Maybe one of the hardest things about new motherhood (if not the hardest.) It’s not one-size-fits-all and there’s nothing that can prepare you for what to expect because everyone’s experiences (and babies) are so unique.

Yes, it can be amazing but it can also bring you to the brink. And even before you have your baby, a deluge of friends, family and complete strangers will confront you with: Do you plan to breastfeed and for how long? This question is almost impossible to answer because you can’t predict what will happen. But you can prepare and feel empowered with tools, knowledge and encouragement from parents who have been there, done that—as best as we could.

We asked our Willow employee moms and our IBCLC, Wendy Wright, for some thoughtful, sage, real-world advice that (hopefully) helps you figure out what’s best for you. And honestly, maybe that’s to not breastfeed at all. And that’s ok.

The APP recommends exclusively breastfeeding until your baby is 6 months old— a length of time that can feel daunting to a new mom (or any mom for that matter!). Take it one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time. Set short term goals and focus on meeting those and try not to overwhelm yourself with thoughts like: How can I do this for X months? Once you reach your short term goal, consider how you feel and reassess from there. You’ll know what’s best for you.

There are thousands of articles about breastfeeding, but not a lot of information about WHY you should breastfeed aside from the obvious, “it’s the best source of nutrition for them.” But, what does that mean? Understanding more about the science behind your milk and how it can benefit your health (think: lower risk of breast and ovarian cancer) will not only make you feel like a superhuman but it might also make you feel more empowered in your decisions.

One of the biggest things that moms forget to do is to take care of themselves. Your nutrition and health (and that means sleep, too!) is directly tied to their nutrition and health and will help you maintain your milk supply as you breastfeed. But realistically, you might run out of gas. And if you feeling like you’re running on empty, it’s time to ask for help. Whether that’s asking your partner to handle a nighttime feeding or leaning on your support network to get an extra hour of sleep during the day–ask for help.

A Tip from Wendy: If you’re assigning nighttime feeds (or any other feeds) teach your partner and support network about pace bottle feeding. This method allows the infant to be more in control of the feeding pace, slows down the flow of milk and allows the baby to eat more slowly, and take breaks.

Lactation Consultants are in the hospital and available for you postpartum as well! Make sure you utilize all the resources at your disposal and if you don’t jive with one, ask to be connected with another one. Even just that first postpartum visit with an LC can help eliminate any breastfeeding jitters, concerns or fears. They’ll weigh your baby, check out the latch and give you words of encouragement. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Photo credit: Macy Pruett